45 stories for 45 years. Throughout 2026, we’re sharing the stories of our clients, volunteers and staff who make the Wessex Cancer Support community what it is.
Through our community’s lived experience of cancer, we can provide our clients with the tailored support they need.
For this edition, Martin, a client of Wessex Cancer Support, shares their story and experience.
My first thought was that I couldn’t be blamed for this.
I’ve been one to worry about things that I’ve said or done in the past, or I’ve been criticised for inflicting things on myself by not taking care or doing too much.
But this time, it wasn’t my fault.
Surprisingly, my diagnosis didn’t phase me at first. I don’t think I was surprised, I was aware there was a high risk that my cancer could be hereditary as my Dad had suffered with something similar a few years ago.
I was confident that it could be treated and I was pleased that we had caught it at Stage 3, but I wanted to take control of it.
For me, this meant that I not only protected myself but also those around me. Sharing would lead to me losing control – or so I thought. While it gave me the drive to do something about this, what I hadn’t realised by taking this approach, it created lots of challenges emotionally. I felt guilty and selfish, but through the counselling I’m realising that I wasn’t, this was just how I needed to manage it.
The most challenging moment, both physically and emotionally, was the impediment of my sexual life. I hadn’t thought about the impact it would have on something that I’ve never had a problem with before. I lost my drive, desire and confidence.
The radiotherapy and hormone treatments meant I was tired, I gained weight, and I even grew ‘breasts’. I didn’t feel like me. I didn’t feel confident and I knew this was having an impact on my relationship, my sex life, the closeness and intimacy you would usually have with your partner.
That was when I realised the past no longer defined the present. I’ve had my last session of treatments and while I’ve slowly regained some feeling of my old self, it’s still a work in progress.
As I move forward with my life, I do worry about starting new relationships; it’s not something you talk about on a first date!
My approach of trying to protect others was actually putting more pressure on myself.
Through Wessex Cancer Support, I’ve realised it’s good to talk. I’m finding myself having deep, meaningful conversations with strangers, even at the gym. It’s amazing how much men share with each other as strangers, but not when you know the person. I know this isn’t the type of topic we share, but if my story helps someone realise they’re not on their own, then it’s worth it. As men, we need to learn to talk more.
I’ve become more self-reflective. The counselling and Reiki sessions from Wessex Cancer Support have really given me a new perspective. I’m taking care of myself more and I’m learning that by sharing, I am still in control.
The Wessex Cancer Support team are like family. They understand, they’re welcoming and I know they are there for me when I need them. It’s this that has helped me move forward.
While living with cancer is life changing, the positive is it’s given me more drive. To live life, to explore, to try new things. I’m slowly rebuilding my confidence. I don’t want this to hold me back, it doesn’t define me. I want to love more, I want to experience more.
I’m going to be travelling with friends around Southern Europe for the next few weeks, and it’s great to be able to look forward to a new adventure.
Our community provides a safe, supportive space for people affected by cancer. Through our emotional and wellbeing services, we provide the support to our communities in Dorset, Hampshire and the Isle of Wight.
We’ve been here for you since 1981.
You can call or email your local cancer support centre today, or drop in to speak to our friendly team.
