45 stories for 45 years. Throughout 2026, we’re sharing the stories of our clients, volunteers and staff who make the Wessex Cancer Support community what it is.
Through our community’s lived experience of cancer, we can provide our clients with the tailored support they need.
For this edition, Gary, a client of Wessex Cancer Support, shares their story and experience.
I remember every single moment of that day. Every second. What I was wearing, what the doctor was wearing, where we were, where I was even sat.
When I first walked in I was prepared. I had been told it was very likely to be cancer, having been through the 101 tests or so and that’s what they were looking for.
So, when I was told ‘it’s cancer’, my first response was ‘OK’.
I was really numb. I was with my partner in the office, and we just listened sitting in silence. We drove home in silence; we sat on the sofa in silence.
I felt from that moment; I would be known as the bloke with cancer.
I couldn’t process it for a few hours. After I had phoned those closest to me, I just focussed on the next steps. I’m neurodivergent so the way I process things is by putting things into compartments. My job was to get rid of the cancer, I went into a work mode with it – it was a task that was set, now I needed to do the task.[
The most stressful part was pre-diagnoses due to all the tests. It felt like I was going through hundreds of them.
Go to this CT scan, have the nuclear scan, now we’re going to inject you with radiation, so you’re not allowed to go near anyone. It becomes a routine, everyday you’re at the hospital, spending the time having the treatments.
Hospital. Home. Sleep. Repeat. You become lost in the whirlwind of it all.
But once I knew what I was dealing with and the treatments I could have, then it was okay.
The chemotherapy and radiotherapy were really tiring, I was fortunate enough not to lose all my hair because I had my cold cap. But the steroids I was put on made me look like I put on 100kg. Your body changes so much. I have grey hair and a grey beard, but I had some black hair left. Until I had the treatments – of course it was the black hair that fell out! Some days you look down and think, who is this person?
Post-treatment was more difficult because it was like I had done my job, but had it worked? What will they ask of me next? Will there be more side effects?
I’m a detailed person and wanted every detail possible about what was happening, but thing is I knew I forgot most of what I was told. The NHS is amazing, but not great at sharing all the details.
I work for the NHS as a Senior Clinical Lead for children with intellectual learning disabilities.
My job runs at 100mph, managing and supporting some of the most vulnerable children in England. To go from that to, sitting on the sofa and wondering do I watch ‘This Morning’ or ‘Loose Women’ was surreal.
Being a nurse, I’m the one who is supposed to care for other people, not supposed to be the one on the receiving end. I’m the one who is supposed to be helping people, not the other way around. That was an adjustment I had to make.
I think that’s why it took me a while to seek support. I had received positive news about the progress of my treatment. My PSA levels had started to decrease dramatically, and they kept telling me I was doing really well, but my thoughts were it wasn’t me, it was the amazing medical team. They were the ones doing all the work.
But the main struggle was they never told me it’s ‘gone’, the terms are always ‘it’s in remission’. I know it’s standard, but it’s getting used to that. It’s constantly on my mind, balancing other aspects of life, you get lost in it all.
I had gone back to work and for a while I tried to get on with life, but it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t switch off. My now husband suggested it was time to seek support.
When I was diagnosed, I was told about Wessex Cancer Support through my cancer support nurse. I didn’t contact the charity for a while, I periodically checked the resources on their website, but I wasn’t ready.
I was struggling to process it all and my husband really encouraged me to reach out, looking back I’m pleased he did. The counselling I received really changed my life.
Because of my work I know about counselling, CBT and those types of therapies, I do them. But for myself I thought it wouldn’t work, it would be a load of b*****k because I know how it worked. But when I dropped my mask, didn’t pretend I was someone else, and just opened up, it completely changed how I felt about everything. I went in petrified; I came out bouncing.
Because of my neurodivergent nature I don’t do groups, but the team at Wessex are so welcoming and accommodating, I purposely got into the centre earlier to just sit and be with them.
I wasn’t being told the cliché of ‘you need to go out experience life more’, that wasn’t me. It was the listening and reflections that really helped me to reframe things and look at things differently.
It has changed me as a person.
If you had told me about support groups, rightly or wrongly, I thought it was groups for women suffering with breast cancer. I hadn’t appreciated the support was open to all, especially men. Support groups are for people like me.
This is why I’m sharing my story. Men need to go get themselves checked out, especially if they have a concern. Don’t delay. I have annoyed my male colleagues making sure they have regular check-ups and encourage them to ask for help when it’s needed.
That’s why I want more men to go to these types of places and groups. No one is ‘too young’ to get cancer. Forget the macho-ness, we all need to talk.
I was one of the most closed off people to this type of thing, but if it can change me, it can certainly benefit others. It’s not just being more open, I no longer put things off. If I want to do something, I just do it.
After 16 years, I finally got married to my husband which has been incredible. I go on holiday, spend time with my family and friends, and when I’m asked about what I want to do, ‘don’t know’ is no longer a response. I don’t delay; I just do. It’s my way of making sure cancer doesn’t win over me.
Our community provides a safe, supportive space for people affected by cancer. Through our emotional and wellbeing services, we provide the support to our communities in Dorset, Hampshire and the isle of Wight.
We’ve been here for you since 1981.
You can call or email your local cancer support centre today or drop in to speak to our friendly team.
