45 stories for 45 years. Throughout 2026, we’re sharing the stories of our clients, volunteers and staff who make the Wessex Cancer Support community what it is.
Through our community’s lived experience of cancer, we can provide our clients with the tailored support they need.
For this edition, our very own Steffi, Cancer Support Centre Manager for Bournemouth Cancer Support Centre, shares their story and experience.
I know how hard it is, that’s why I’m so committed to supporting the clients that come through our doors.
Around 2011, I had noticed a rough patch in my mouth. At first, I didn’t think much of it and coincidentally was due to have a dental appointment the next day.
When I went to the dentist and raised this with them I was told not to worry, prescribed some antibiotics and come back in six months for my regular check-up. Six months had passed and by next appointment everything on the right-hand side of my mouth was sore. My gums, teeth, and mouth, and there was bleeding – you name it, I had it.
At the next dental appointment, I was told it was likely to be gum disease and that I would need private specialist treatment. I couldn’t afford to go down this route so I was prescribed more antibiotics and Corsodyl mouth wash, but the dentist reassured me that they would make a referral. No referral went through.
It took 18 months to actually get to see someone to get my cancer diagnosis. By the time it was confirmed as cancer, I had large Tumour in my upper jaw. I was diagnosed on my 49th birthday – ‘Happy Birthday to me’ I told the consultant at the time!
Major surgery was a necessity, which took place on my wedding anniversary. They had taken bone from my leg to rebuild part of my face after having to remove tissues impacted by the cancer. This was followed sometime later, once everything had healed, by three more reconstructive surgeries.
Initially I was completely nil by mouth for around 3 weeks, (that first cup of tea was the best thing I had ever tasted! I never knew I would fantasise about earl grey!) then on a peg feeder (a tube into my stomach for nutrition) for five months, even had a stint in intensive care for a week.
It was a difficult time. I didn’t see my husband at all on our wedding anniversary and when my family came to see me, it had an immediate impact on them.
My youngest was 12 at the time and collapsed at the door, being so upset and seeing how much my face and eyes were swollen. Even now, I’m only able to open my mouth six millimetres.
The worst part was I couldn’t talk for three weeks, so I wasn’t able to support my youngest or my eldest who was at university at the time. It was a lot to take in.
At that time, I had no idea you could get head and neck cancer. What did worry me was that I was told this was more common for men who drank heavily and smoked, and other than the occasional drink, I did neither. Sometimes there isn’t an obvious reason for these things.
Radiotherapy treatments had started at the beginning of the summer holidays, and ended when the holidays were over. I know how difficult it is for family members of our clients, and I can’t imagine how difficult it was for my own family. It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer, I couldn’t have gotten through this without my children and husband – he was, and still is, my rock.
I had my own hospitality business at the time which I was running with my husband, in fact when I got my diagnosis we had just started a lease for a new café. I was on the floor painting skirting boards while waiting for my appointments, it was a surreal time.
I remember a customer coming in this one time some months after my treatment was over, they had heard that I had cancer.
They had gone through it themselves and when I admitted I was started to find myself struggling all these months later, I was reassured I wasn’t the only one. That’s when I sought out support.
When you first get a diagnosis it’s like a deer in headlights and you need that initial support and guidance. One of the most challenging elements to going through this experience is the adrenaline of going to appointment to appointment. In those moments you just exist, and things happen around you.
But what no one sees is the impact afterwards. It can be months even years later, when you’ve had time to process it. When people think you should be fine because you’ve had the treatments and you’re ‘better’. But you’re not, and that’s okay.
I reached a point where I wanted to speak to people who have been through what I had been through in addition to the counselling I was receiving. I quickly realised though how little there was available for people like me at the time.
Breast cancer is terrible for any woman to go through, but there’s a lot of support for breast cancer. When I had my radiotherapy, every weekday for six and a half weeks I had to walk to past the machine used to treat breast cancer, past women who chatting and supporting each other. I was with the men using the machines they use.
I just sat there on my own.
I wanted to talk to people and be part of a group, see it through together. For that support, for that connection and camaraderie. As horrible as breast cancer is for women who have gone through it and have had to have mastectomies, you can ‘hide’ it from outside world. Whereas facial reconstruction, there’s not much hiding you can do. I had cancer envy.
I hadn’t heard of Wessex Cancer Support before a visit from one of the ambassadors at the Cancer Head and Neck support group I had joined. That meeting with Geoffrey (who is still one of our amazing volunteers) was a pivotal moment for me, both personally and professionally.
Looking back when I was first diagnosed one of the cancer support nurses at the time said, ‘some good may come from this’. My initial thought was ‘f**k off’, it’s not something you want to hear when you’ve just been diagnosed, and you start thinking all sorts of what the future may bring.
But, I did end up working at Wessex Cancer Support.
When I first visited the centre, it was so welcoming. I had finally found somewhere that understood and supported people with a variety of cancers.
I grew very fond of the centre and the team and offered to be a volunteer. After my treatment we had closed our business and while I am a trained counsellor I didn’t want to go back to that career.
I continued to volunteer at the cancer support centre when an opportunity to apply for the Cancer Support Centre Manager came up, I realised that I could use my combined experience to continue to provide that safe space for others – a home from home.
When people come in very emotional and overwhelmed, I can empathise, I remember those days vividly. In this role, you talk to people and you can see the changes coming through. A weight is being lifted. We are a community. It’s difficult when you don’t see some people again, because of their cancer, but you hope you’ve made it a little easier for them.
Likewise, in some ways you don’t want to see people keep coming back as that’s how we know we’ve successfully given them the tools they need to continue to move forward with their lives. That’s what we’re good at, when the 3am thoughts linger, when people still need to come to terms with things, that’s where our services come into their own.
I never thought about dedicating my time to a cancer charity prior to my experience. But when you see the difference we make in peoples’ lives, it’s all worth it.
We all have a lived experience of cancer, meaning that even with activities like Art and Crafts, you’re surrounded by people that understand. Even if you do start to tear up, you’ll be offered a cup of tea and an empathetic ear. All in a non-clinical, safe space designed for you.
Our support volunteers are an essential part of our services, and I would recommend to anyone looking to support and give back to their community to come and learn more about supporting Wessex.
Our community provides a safe, supportive space for people affected by cancer. Through our emotional and wellbeing services, we provide the support to our communities in Dorset, Hampshire and the Isle of Wight.
We’ve been here for you since 1981.
You can call or email your local centre support centre today, or drop in to speak to our friendly team.
Alternatively, if you would like to know more about joining our services team, you can see more about becoming a volunteer here.
