Although I wasn’t the one with the diagnosis, I had so much pain.
45 stories for 45 years. Throughout 2026, we’re sharing the stories of our clients, volunteers and staff who make the Wessex Cancer Support community what it is.
Through our community’s lived experience of cancer, we can provide our clients with the tailored support they need.
In this edition, Matt, a young client at our Isle of Wight Centre, shares his experience..
Dad was diagnosed with cancer two days before Mum’s birthday in January 2025, that’s a day none of us is going to forget. And I thought that was it for him.
Dad had felt something wasn’t right for a while so he went to the Doctor. They kept saying that he was OK, just to change his diet, but nothing helped. Eventually, he got the cancer diagnosis and it hit all of us hard; the unknown, the fear that this was the end for him.
I was 19 at that point and still figuring out the world.
Although I wasn’t the one with the diagnosis, I had so much pain.
I locked myself away at first as I just didn’t know what to do. But life doesn’t just stop – work, friends – and you do have to try to carry on.
Dad spent a lot of time in hospital in Portsmouth, When I visited him, it was really tough seeing him like that, with the machines and drips. Dad didn’t seem like himself anymore and we didn’t know what we could do to help this person that we love so very much. As tough as it was seeing him, we did go back to visit, of course.
One day, one of the Doctors said to us “You’re lucky he’s alive; I wasn’t sure he’d survive the night.” Lucky?! None of us felt lucky to be in that situation. I’m only 20 now and I never thought I’d have to deal with anything like this so early in my life. But I guess I do know what he meant.
I think I’ve always been a people person, willing to talk about my feelings, but I really didn’t know where to find someone to talk to about this and I didn’t want to be a burden to friends and family. It was hard to track down any help. I tried one cancer charity but they told me they only support the person with the diagnosis, not anyone else.
As it happens, I know the husband of one of the Wessex Isle of Wight team and I happened to see something he’d shared on social media. I just thought “I’ll message him, why not?” Someone from Wessex Cancer Support had messaged me back within 24 hours and got me talking to someone. The first time I walked in to the Centre, though, I thought it wasn’t for me and I didn’t belong here. But I thought “I’ll stay and see what happens” – and I’m glad I did.
Because you’re talking to someone who is a ‘stranger’, you can say anything to them.
It helped and we talked about other things that have happened in the past, not just the cancer. You’re talking to someone who understands it. I thought cancer was a death sentence and I didn’t realise that it doesn’t have to be. When you’re talking to the Wessex team, the time goes so quickly; I always left feeling more positive than when I arrived! As they say “a problem shared is a problem halved”.
I think that’s why Liz, the IOW Centre Manager, suggested I share my story, to share a younger person’s view. It would have been much easier to shut myself away but talking to Wessex Cancer Support gave me the confidence to feel better about myself again – and I would recommend it to others.
I’d tell anyone in my situation not to over think it and not to disappear down the Google rabbit hole! I did that and I didn’t know where I was or what to think. Information you find online is often conflicting.
It’s much better to actually talk to people who have real life experience of cancer.
Dad’s doing OK now. He’ll have a colostomy bag for life and he seems a bit preoccupied sometimes, but it’s going to take time to get back to normality. He’s part of a generation that’s not used to talking about feelings so it does feel like there is a bit of a cloud at home, one that I can’t fix, but I think we’ll get there.
Looking ahead, we’re hoping to have a family holiday soon, the four of us. I’ve got a list of 60 countries I’d like to visit and I’ve only ticked off 11 of them so it would be great for them to join me on a few.
And we’re thinking about getting a dog to keep Dad company while we’re at work – but we’ll have to agree on what breed first!
Our community provides a safe, supportive space for people affected by cancer. Through our emotional and wellbeing services, we provide the support to our communities in Dorset, Hampshire and the Isle of Wight.
We’ve been here for you since 1981.
You can call or email your local cancer support centre today, or drop in to speak to our friendly team.
And if you would like to learn more about volunteering and becoming part of #TeamWessex, you can see more about becoming a volunteer here.
