When Hilary was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, she says it ‘sent me into a spin’ because she’d seen her own Mum die from the disease. Hilary’s cancer had spread outside the pelvis into the abdominal cavity or to the lymph nodes.
Hilary had major surgery, followed by six months of chemotherapy. After her first round of treatment, she met volunteer befrienders from our Bournemouth support centre who told her about the support she could access there.
“Living with cancer made me feel very isolated and lonely, so I initially just went along to the support centre for a coffee and a chat,” Hilary recalls. “It quickly became a regular occurrence because I found it so easy to talk to everyone there. The team was always ready to pop the kettle on and listen without hesitation, and talking to other people with cancer was incredibly comforting. I found that even though we all had different cancers at different stages, we had many of the same fears and concerns and that helped to ease the feelings of loneliness.”
Hilary says just walking into the support centre was a huge help for her:
“There’s a big noticeboard where people share their experiences of cancer and any advice they might have. I remember seeing some tips on dealing with mouth ulcers, like the sort of sweets that are helpful. It’s little things like that, that make a big difference.”
“Unfortunately, eight months after my chemotherapy finished I was told that the cancer had come back and that I’d need another six months of treatment,” Hilary says. “Shortly after that it returned and I had to go through yet another round of chemotherapy. Three months after that I was told it had come back again and that I’d need a course of radiotherapy. It was at this time that I received a terminal diagnosis.”
Having to come on and off treatment was an intensely difficult time for Hilary, both physically and mentally.
“My cancer returning was always such a blow, but what kept me going was knowing there were people at the support centre who were there for me and who would support me unconditionally,” she says. “For me, the support centre felt like an oasis of calm, away from all the hospital appointments, treatment and blood tests.”
“This period of my life made me feel very isolated and lonely. I’ve found it to be a good support talking to people affected by cancer. Even if you have a different type of cancer, you can empathise and talk about your fears and concerns. It eases the feeling of loneliness to know there are others dealing with some of the same issues and emotions.”
One of the many therapies Hilary was offered was Reiki. It’s a Japanese technique to reduce stress and aid relaxation that also promotes healing. It’s administered by ‘laying on hands’ and is based on the idea that an unseen life force energy flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. The lower our life force energy, the more likely we are to feel stress.
“I was sceptical at first,” Hilary says, but came to love it! My therapist, Laura, always gave me a big hug and made me feel so special. It gave me such a sense of calm and helped me immensely. Wessex Cancer Support offers so much and I can’t believe it’s all free.”
During COVID-19, the support centre continued to support Hilary – offering counselling and catch-ups via Zoom.
For Hilary, Wessex Cancer Support is more than the place – it’s the people who make it. She describes the support as: “Just like going to visit a trusted friend. You can tell them anything and you know there’s no judgement, just care and support. They have a wonderful way of making you feel like yourself again and not defined by your illness.”
There’s no right or wrong way to feel when you’ve got cancer.
How can we support you?